I try to think...

...happy thoughts; remember the good times and the many things about Lionel that make me smile...but those other, painful, despairing thoughts are persistent, forcing their way into my consciousness, no matter how I struggle. It's like a battle between the two types of memories...

There can be no greater solitude...

..than that of bereavement.

Dawn, thinking about my friend...

Momentum. Time passes. And you have to shower, take out the trash, do your taxes, mail birthday cards, clean the oven, charge the cellphone, go to work, get a haircut, recycle old newspapers, iron clothes, catch the bus, tie your shoes, pay bills, water the plant - the million things that go on ... and that movement propels you through the day...and through your life. But in those rare, random unoccupied moments. My mind goes immediately to Lionel. Still. Always.

It has been exactly one month...

...since I last posted. A lot has happened in that month, but very little has changed.

When I think of Lionel at his happiest, I get so sad.

When I think of Lionel sad...I am still devastated.