I just read my last post. Why did I type all that? Why am I sharing trivial details about my past with Lionel? Because I miss him so much?
It is Sunday night, now. Almost 8:30 p.m. and none of what I wrote has happened today. None of it will happen again. Instead, I washed clothes alone and went grocery shopping at Harris Teeter alone.
Instead of staying home out of the cold this afternoon, I paid a second visit to the friend who is a patient in Lionel's old hospital where I got so upset the other night. (It wasn't as bad, this time.)
When I left the hospital, I came straight here to the office because I had some work to finish before tomorrow morning. Then I sat and typed my earlier post. It's cold and dark outside and still I sit in my office on the computer stalling, typing this instead of going home to the empty apartment. I guess I know why...but tomorrow morning -- I'll regret it. Goodnight.
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