A friend and co-worker (who also recently lost of loved one) advised me to be good to myself. The more I think about what he said, the more I recognize the wisdom of his advice.
As easy as it would seem to be, being good to myself does not come naturally to me. My parents raised us not to be selfish, to sacrifice and to always consider the needs of others. I recognize that sometimes, I behave that way to a fault. But I've been trying to get better about this.
My supervisor gave me wonderful, thick, luxurious towels for my birthday last fall. Ordinarily, I would have set them aside, saving the "good" towels for "company." But during the darkest part of Lionel's hospitalization, I took them out and started using them. They were soft and warm and comforting. I even spent an extra dollar or two and, instead of buying my usual cheapo shower gel, got something that I really liked. That little bit of pampering is a tiny thing, but it does make a difference.
Lionel still has some brand-new clothes, gifts from me with the tags still on them, in his closet. Nothing fancy or extravagant, but items that I guess he was "saving" for an occasion. Now, if his relatives don't want or can't use them, they will ultimately be donated to someone who can.
I wish he had worn them. I hope it was enough that he received them. I'd like to think it was not so much the gift, but the thought. In which case, they served their purpose.
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