How many times can you express that you miss someone...without driving people crazy? Without driving yourself crazy?
I guess I keep restating the obvious because there are so many things about him that I miss -- and, each day I remember/discover new ones.
Some of them are simple things:
The sound of him tap tapping on the glass surrounding the door outside my office to let me know he'd stopped by to visit. (It hurts my heart now, to think of how -- on particularly busy, hectic, days at work --it sometimes seemed like a less-than-welcome interruption.)
The way his glasses sat on the end of his nose, while he read the newspaper.
Discovering the elaborate sandwiches he'd made, then left in the refrigerator to "marinate" before he ate them later, usually in the middle of the night. Or the glasses and jugs of water he kept in the freezer and carried around with him. He drank more water than anyone I know.
The way that, despite his total lack of interest, he would yell from the living room -- alerting me whenever, as he flipped channels he stumbled across a movie musical or dance number, anything relating to Broadway, Hollywood or the arts... and even eventually whenever LL Cool J, Tyson Beckford or various other shirtless hunks he'd heard me mention, were on the television.
Weekends, when I was running errands or going to the movies, rehearsal or meeting friends ... and he'd walk me to the bus stop and wait with me for my bus, before ambling off to look for a beer or a conversation about sports.
On my way home from shopping, I could call from my cell phone and when I got home, he'd be waiting outside our building wearing his house shoes and smoking a cigarette, to help me carry upstairs whatever I couldn't handle by myself.
Sometimes, random moments, tiny memories like these just pop, unbidden, into my consciousness. Sometimes, I smile at these thoughts. Sometimes, my eyes well, brimming with hot tears.
But, I am always made acutely aware of what is gone now...forever.
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